Funny Epitaphs.
COLLECTED BY
Arthur Wentworth Eaton.
BOSTON:
The Mutual Book Company.
1902.
Copyright, 1885,
By H. H. Carter & Karrick.
Let's talk of graves, of worms, and epitaphs.
—Richard II, Act III, Scene ii.
Duncan is in his grave;
After life's fitful fever he sleeps well.
After life's fitful fever he sleeps well.
—Macbeth, Act III, Scene ii.
Let there be no inscription upon my tomb; let no man write myepitaph.
—Robert Emmet.
Friend, in your Epitaphs I'm griev'd
So very much is said,
One half will never be believ'd
The other never read.
So very much is said,
One half will never be believ'd
The other never read.
EPITAPHS ON MEN.
An old American epitaph:
Under this sod, and under these trees,
Lieth the body of Samuel Pease;
He is not in this hole, but only his pod,
He shelled out his soul and went up to God.
Lieth the body of Samuel Pease;
He is not in this hole, but only his pod,
He shelled out his soul and went up to God.
✠
Another version:
Under this sod, beneath these trees,
Lyeth the pod of Solomon Pease.
Pease is not here, but only his pod,
He shelled out his soul, which went straight to his God.
Lyeth the pod of Solomon Pease.
Pease is not here, but only his pod,
He shelled out his soul, which went straight to his God.
✠
Here lies the body of Johnny Haskell
A lying, thieving, cheating rascal;
He always lied, and now he lies,
He has no soul and cannot rise.
A lying, thieving, cheating rascal;
He always lied, and now he lies,
He has no soul and cannot rise.
✠
An Irishman wrote the following oft-quoted lines for his epitaph:
Here I lays,
Paddy O'Blase;
My body quite at its aise is,
With the tip of my nose
And the points of my toes
Turned up to the roots of the daisies.
Paddy O'Blase;
My body quite at its aise is,
With the tip of my nose
And the points of my toes
Turned up to the roots of the daisies.
✠
In Ballyporen (Ire.) churchyard, on Teague O'Br
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