"Germany will sign," says an evening contemporary, "because theAllies hold all the trumps." They also hold all the Manchurianbeef, and are prepared, should the occasion arise, to export itmercilessly.
A Carmarthen man has been fined 12s. 6d. for shooting an owl inmistake for a pigeon. Defendant pleaded that in omitting to soundits hooter the owl was guilty of contributory negligence.
M. LANDRU, the Parisian Bluebeard (alleged), is said to be verymorose and ill. It is felt that something or other must be worryinghim.
Latest information points to the fact that Jazz has spread tothe Hebrides, where two suspected cases are under observation.
"Jumpers are to be very fashionable at the seaside this year,"says a fashion paper; and yet lodging-house keepers will keep onassuring us that their bed-linen is scrupulously clean.
There are still twenty-three wars in progress, declares a Sundaycontemporary. The belief is rapidly gaining ground that several ofthem are being allowed to continue merely to spite ColonelWEDGWOOD.
Cricket, we are constantly told, must be brightened. Why notallow spectators to assault the umpires, just as if they werefootball referees?
So many people have expressed their intention to swim theChannel this year that there is talk of abandoning the tunnelscheme as likely to prove unprofitable.
After knocking a man down with an iron bar at Shoreditch, andbeing asked by the victim why he did it, the assailant againknocked him down. Really this is carrying things too far. Afterall, politeness costs nothing.
It appears that the Burglars' Trade Union, not to be outdone,are about to put in a demand for shorter sentences.
"Single women," says a scientific journal, "live on an averageten years longer than married women." After reading this statement,an Irishman has issued a warning against the habit of marryingsingle women.
Grimsby is to have a flag day for the local hospitals. It is notknown who first gave them the idea of a flag day.
"The only cure for the caterpillar now destroying young oaks inDevon," says a morning paper, "is to remove the pest at once." Theidea of removing the trees does not seem to have occurred to ourcontemporary.
Coins said to have been deposited on the Dinas Mountain, SouthWales, over seven hundred years ago have just been found. Thisspeaks well for the honesty of local residents.
The EX-KAISER has intimated to a newspaper man that he isprepared to abide by the decisions of the Peace Conference. Thisconfirms recent indications that WILHELM is developing a sense ofhumour.
"Last week," says The Evening News, "Venus was only100,000,000 miles away." We are ashamed to confess that we had notnoticed this.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away," quotes a weekly paper.We only hope this is true, for it is impossible to afford both.
"It is wonderful that there are not more accidents," remarked aCoroner last week. But surely there are.
The extraordinary report that a domestic servant has been seenat Purley is now explained. It was merely a resident going to afancy-dress dance.
A medical paper states that if a man was bitten by a rabid cowhe would probably go mad and start g