This eBook was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net>
[NOTE: There is a short list of bookmarks, or pointers, at the end of thefile for those who may wish to sample the author's ideas before making anentire meal of them. D.W.]
By Georg Ebers
Thanks to the senator's potion Stephanus soon fell asleep. Paulus satnear him and did not stir; he held his breath, and painfully suppressedeven an impulse to cough, so as not to disturb the sick man's lightslumbers.
An hour after midnight the old man awoke, and after he had lainmeditating for some time with his eyes open, he said thoughtfully: "Youcalled yourself and us all egotistic, and I certainly am so. I haveoften said so to myself; not for the first time to day, but for weekspast, since Hermas came back from Alexandria, and seems to have forgottenhow to laugh. He is not happy, and when I ask myself what is to becomeof him when I am dead, and if he turns from the Lord and seeks thepleasures of the world, my heart sickens. I meant it for the best whenI brought him with me up to the Holy Mountain, but that was not the onlymotive—it seemed to me too hard to part altogether from the child.My God! the young of brutes are secure of their mother's faithful love,and his never asked for him when she fled from my house with her seducer.I thought he should at least not lose his father, and that if he grew upfar away from the world he would be spared all the sorrow that it had soprofusely heaped upon me, I would have brought him up fit for Heaven, andyet through a life devoid of suffering. And now—and now? If he ismiserable it will be through me, and added to all my other troubles comesthis grief."
"You have sought out the way for him," interrupted Paulus, "and the restwill be sure to come; he loves you and will certainly not leave you solong as you are suffering."
"Certainly not?" asked the sick man sadly. "And what weapons has he tofight through life with?"
"You gave him the Saviour for a guide; that is enough," said Paulussoothingly. "There is no smooth road from earth to Heaven, and none canwin salvation for another."
Stephanus was silent for a long time, then he said: "It is not evenallowed to a father to earn the wretched experience of life for his son,or to a teacher for his pupil. We may point out the goal, but the waythither is by a different road for each of us."
"And we may thank God for that," cried Paulus. "For Hermas has beenstarted on the road which you and I had first to find for ourselves."
"You and I," repeated the sick man thoughtfully. "Yes, each of us hassought his own way, but has enquired only which was his own way, and hasnever concerned himself about that of the other. Self! self!—How manyyears we have dwelt close together, and I have never felt impelled to askyou what you could recall to mind about your youth, and how you were ledto grace. I learnt by accident that you were an Alexandrian, and hadbeen a heathen, and had suffered much for the faith, and with that I wassatisfied. Indeed you do not seem very ready to speak of those long pastdays. Our neighbor should be as dear to us as our self, and who isnearer to me than you? Aye, self and selfishness! There are many gulfson the road towards God."
"I have not much to tell," said Paulus. "But a man never forgets whathe once has been. We may cast the old man from us, and believe we haveshaken ourselves free, when lo! it is there again and greets us as an oldacquainta