Bullet With His Name
By FRITZ LEIBER
Illustrated By: DILLON
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Science Fiction July 1958.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Before passing judgment, just ask yourself
one question: Would you like answering for
humanity any better than Ernie Meeker did?
The Invisible Being shifted his anchorage a bit in Earth'sgravitational field, which felt like a push rather than a pull to him,and said, "This featherless biped seems to satisfy Galaxy Center'srequirements. I'd say he's a suitable recipient for the Gifts."
His Coadjutor, equally invisible and negatively massed, chewed thatover. "Mature by his length and mass. Artificial plumage neitheroverly gaudy nor utterly drab—indicating median social level,which is confirmed by the size of his bachelor nest. Inward maps ofhis environment not fantastically inaccurate. Feelings reasonablymeshed—at least neither volcanic nor frozen. Thoughts and values inreasonable order. Yes, I agree, a satisfactory test subject. Except...."
"Except what?"
"Except we can never be sure of that 'reasonable' part."
"Of course not! Thank your stars that's beyond the reach of GalaxyCenter's keenest telepathy, or even ours on the spot. Otherwise you andI'd be out of a job."
"And have to scheme up some other excuse for free-touring the Cosmoswith backtracking permitted."
"Exactly!" The Being and his Coadjutor understood each other very welland were the best of friends. "Well, how many Gifts would you suggestfor the test?"
"How about two Little and one Big?" the Coadjutor ventured.
"Umm ... statistically adequate but spiritually unsatisfying. Remember,the fate of his race hangs on his reactions to them. I'd be inclined toincrease your suggestion by one each and add a Great."
"No—at least I question the last. After all, the Great Gifts aren't asimportant, really, as the Big Gifts. Besides...."
"Besides what? Come on, spit it out!" The Invisible Being was thebluff, blunt type.
"Well," said his less hearty but unswervingly honest companion, "I'malways afraid that you'll use the granting of a Great Gift as an excusefor some sardonic trick—that you'll put a sting in its tail."
"And why shouldn't I, if I want to? Snakes have stings in their tails(or do they on this planet?) and I'm a sort of snake. If he fails thetest, he fails. And aren't both of us malicious, plaguing spirits,eager to knock holes in the inward armor of provincial entities? It'sin the nature of our job. But we can argue about that in due course.What Little Gifts would you suggest?"
"That's something I want to talk about. Many of the Little Gifts arealready well within his race's reach, if not his. After all, they'vealready got atomic power."
"Which as you very well know scores them nothing one way or the otheron a Galaxy Center test. We're agreed on the nature and the number ofour Gifts—three Little, two Big, and one Great?"
"Yes," his Coadjutor responded resignedly.
"And we're agreed on our subject?"
"Yes to that too."
"All right, then, let's get started. This isn't the only solar systemwe have to visit on this circuit."
Ernie Meeker—of Chica