Produced by Charles Franks
To Infidelity and Back
A Truth-seeker's Religious Autobiography
How I Found Christ and His Church
By
Author of "Economic Redemption; or, Hard Times: the Cause and Cure"etc.
"I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead themin paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light beforethem, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them andnot forsake them"—Isa. 42:16.
"Slight tastes of philosophy may perchance move one to atheism, butfuller draughts lead back to religion"—Lord Bacon
1911
To the sacred memory of the pioneers of the great Restoration Movementof the nineteenth century, who forsook the religious associations of alifetime and cheerfully endured poverty, persecution and every hardshipin their endeavor to restore Christian union on the primitive gospel,and who held forth a beacon-light that helped me to find the truth inits simplicity as it is in Christ Jesus.
My Soul Struggle in Symbolism
Upon the fly-leaf of my Bible I find the following, which was writtenshortly after I emerged from the stormy sea of heartrending agonythrough which I passed in my conflict with sectarianism, rationalism,infidelity and doubt. It was not written for the public, but was simplyan effort of my soul to express in a measure, through human symbols,the painful experiences through which it passed. It will seemextravagant language to those who have never had their souls laceratedby doubt and despair. But the sensitive souls who have endured similarexperiences will understand, and it is with the hope of reaching andhelping them that it is given to the public.
From the childhood land of ignorant innocence to the kingdom of Christ:by way of deserts of negation; mountains of assumption; rivers ofirony, sarcasm and conceit; bays of contention; gulfs of liberalism;and oceans of infidelity, doubt and confusion—swept by undercurrentsof selfish passion, tempests of blind sentiment, maelstroms of fear anddespair; covered with black clouds of prejudice and preconceived ideas,dense fogs of theological speculation, gigantic icebergs ofindifference, monstrous sharks of procrastination, and ruinous rocks ofmaterialism; through the strait of darkness and absurdity, over the seaof twilight and joy, into the haven of rest.
"In the ship, religion; pole-star, faith in God; rudder, free will;compass, conscience; sextant, rationalism and experience; anchor, hope;guiding chart, creeds and opinions of men vs. the Word of God; pilot,Jesus Christ.
"Motto: Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.
"Prayer: O God! thou knowest the secret desire of my heart. Thouknowest how earnestly I have sought the truth. God forbid that my lifeshould be a barren waste; that I should so use the powers that thouhast given me that the world shall not be better for my having lived init. Lord, grant I may ever find the work that thou wouldst have me do.'Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, andsee if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the wayeverlasting. Amen."
This, in substance, was my daily prayer for ten long, dreary years;for, while my intellect was in doubt and confusion, my heart conti