PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOLUME 147.
OCTOBER 21, 1914.
The following incident has been forwarded by the Special Constable himself, but the Authorities will not permit the publication ofhis actual portrait:—
Small Boy (suddenly noticing Special Constable). "Look Aht! Copper!"
Girl. "Where?"
Boy. "There—agin Fence."
Girl. "Garn, Silly—frightenin' me!"
CHARIVARIA.
"The King," says The ManchesterCourier, "has returned all his GermanOrders." So much for the taunt thatBritain's object in taking part in theWar was to pick up German orders.
We hear that, in addition to loweringthe lights at night, the authoritiesintend, in order to confuse the enemy,to alter the names of some of ourthoroughfares, and a start is to bemade with Park Lane, which is to bechanged to Petticoat Lane.
The Kaiser is reported to have receiveda nice letter from his old friendAbdul ("the D—— d"), pointing outthat it is the fate of some kind andgentle souls to be misunderstood.
Matches, it is stated, are required atthe front—to put an end, we believe, toTommy Atkins' reckless habit of lightinghis cigarette by applying it to theburning fuse of a bomb.
A Sikh non-commissioned officerhas, according to The Central News,delivered himself of the following saying:—"Poweris to kings, but timebelongs to the gods. The Indians knowhow to wait." This will no doubt callforth an indignant rejoinder from theTeutonic Waiters' Association.
"Property insured in London isvalued at £1,320,000,000," according toan announcement made by Lord Peellast week. One can almost hear theKaiser smacking his lips.
At last the authorities have acted,and the premises of a German firm withconcrete foundations have been raided.This bears out the promise of certainhigh officials who declared that theywould take action when a concreteexample was brought to their notice.
The official "Eye-Witness" in arecent despatch tells us how a Britishsubaltern saw, from a wood, an unsuspectingGerman soldier patrollingthe road. Not caring to shoot his manin cold blood, he gave him a ferociouskick from behind, at which the startledGerman ran away with a yell. Thissubaltern certainly ought to havefigured in "Boots' Roll of Honour"which was published last week.
Why, it is being asked, do not theFrench retaliate for the damage doneby the Germans to their cathedralsand drop bombs on Berlin? Thepersons who put this question haveevidently never seen Berlin or theywould know that you cannot damageits architecture if you try.
The Kaiser has announced his intentionof eating his Christmas dinner inLondon. We trust that Mr. McKennaand his men will see to it that HisMajesty will, anyhow, find no mincepies here. [Note.—"Mince pies"should be pronounced "mean spies."This greatly improves